Lend me a shoulder?

After one month, and its time for me to follow-up my appointment at Solaris again. And this time, I felt superb emo after the appointment. The feeling of tears welling up in my eyes yet I'm forcing the tears not to flow down, the feeling of depressing yet no one to tell or to express, the feeling of being helpless when I don't know what to do, how to solve it. It seems like, the end of it.

I try my best, to be positive. Everyone was telling me this statement "Everything will be alright, right?" all the time. Well, I ain't sure with that, even everyone is convincing me to trust that statement. I don't even have the confidence to fight with the sickness that I having right now. How useless am I eh?

My parents paid so much money for my medical fees all these years. Seriously, I'm tensed up with that because they are spending TOO MUCH on me. I want myself to be healthy just like anyone else in this world and I try my best to be healthy too. Yet, I'll still having the 'same problem' over and over again. Hospital, is like my second house. Even the doctor told me to move to a house beside a hospital. I feel hurt, after I heard that.

Now the doctor gave me a 'one month ultimatum'. She wants to see my improvement in this one month. After that another creepy blood test will be carried out. If no improvement, then its time for ozone treatment which I don't want it, at all. I don't like the feeling of needles beneath my skin. Seriously, I'm very stressed up now. I don't know what to do to improve my condition because before that, I really think that what I did previously for almost 2 years are good enough to improve my condition. But it turns out, not good. I really want everything to be fine.

每当我需要你的时候，我真的希望你会在我的身边，就像以前那样关心我。

现在的你，你会听到吗？